Portrait of a Bullied Soul

Patrick (a fictional character) was smaller than most kids his age. He wasn’t particularly coordinated so sports didn’t interest him much. He liked music and art and collecting bugs in the neighborhood field. He came from a family that didn’t have much money so the clothes he wore were either hand-me-downs or from the local thrift store.

Because of these circumstances, Patrick was picked on by the other kids. Patrick was just being Patrick. But because of the constant bullying, that started at a very early age, Patrick started to believe things about himself. Patrick started believing there must be something wrong with him. “I’m different,” he thought. “I’m not good enough.”
His school became an unsafe place so he stuck to himself just to survive the day.  He avoided interacting with others at all costs. Some days he would pretend to be sick just so he didn’t have to face another day of being bullied. Anxiety became his constant companion.

At home, he had a loving, caring Mother who encouraged and comforted him as a Mother should. But his Dad was a different story. He would come home from work in the evening and begin to drink. He was very critical of Patrick, most of the time for no reason at all. He would sometimes tell Patrick that he was a mistake. Those moments of cruelty devastated Patrick. This only reinforced the belief that he wasn’t good enough and added new beliefs, I’m not loved and I’m not wanted.

The only way to survive these burdensome beliefs was to develop strategies to cope with them. Strategies that made life workable. These strategies began early on, developed, and evolved as Patrick grew older. Some included isolating himself when things were difficult. He also found that redoubling his efforts so as not to appear weak or stupid seemed to help whenever he needed to accomplish something. He tried hard to measure up in everything he did.

As Patrick grew up he dragged these beliefs with him. They tagged along like a stray dog constantly nipping at his heels. He added strategies to his playbook. At age 15 he was introduced to pot by a friend. Turns out there was a whole group of people just like him. Weed seemed to be a unifier. “When I go along with the crowd I feel more accepted,” he thought.

He also buried himself in video games. Hours and hours of video games.

In his early twenties, Patrick accepted Christ as his savior. He began to do all the Christian things. Read his Bible, pray, and go to church. He even went to a bible study once a week.

But unfortunately, unbeknownst to him those false beliefs still hung around his neck like a millstone. He attempted to approach his life in Christ with all the very same strategies he was so used to implementing.

Although this is a fictional story, it is all too common. To some extent, we all have beliefs about ourselves, God, and others that are simply lies. Especially when we are in Christ.
You see Patrick's identity began to form at a very early age. But when he was united with Christ in the new birth that old identity was crucified with Christ. So why did Patrick still struggle to fill those basic needs for love, acceptance, worth, and security? Our flesh desires to grasp at that which we believe we do not have. Its desire is ruled by our feelings. If you feel you are not accepted or acceptable it’s because at your core that’s what you believe. We can make our feelings into facts.

We need to understand, that feelings are not purveyors of truth. They are simply feelings. So our goal is not to always feel good but to make sure what we believe about God, ourselves, and others is true. We base that truth standard on what God has said and done in us. For example; in Ephesians 1 alone we can quickly compile a short list of what God has said and done to those who are in Him.
vs.3 he has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ.
vs. 4 He chose us.
vs. 4 we are holy and blameless before Him. In love
vs. 5 He predestined us to adoption as sons and daughters
vs. 7 In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our wrongdoings, according to the riches of His grace
vs. 9 He made known to us the mystery of His will (to believe in him and the one who sent him)
vs. 11 In Him we also have obtained an inheritance
vs. 13 you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of the promise

These are truths we choose to believe despite what we have learned from our past life experiences. We renew our minds with this truth and as we do we continually become transformed into the image of Christ. 2 Corinthians 3:18 But we all, with unveiled faces, looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.

Does it take practice? YES! But the good news is we practice from a place of rest. Knowing that by Grace our efforts do not make us more in Christ or even strengthen our position in Christ. That has been established by Christ already through no effort from us. But we practice because of what Christ has already done in us and for us. When we choose to live by what's true, our true identity, we let Christ live through us.
In the same way, you chose to believe that Jesus died for the forgiveness of your sins and that he rose from the dead to give you new life, you choose to believe in your new identity in Christ. Colossians 2:6 Therefore, as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him,

When we do this we turn from our strategies and efforts to fill our basic needs and look to Jesus to fill them. John 6:33-35 For the bread of God is that which comes down out of heaven and gives life to the world.” 34 Then they said to Him, “Lord, always give us this bread.” 35 Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; the one who comes to Me will not be hungry, and the one who believes in Me will never be thirsty.